


Dark Shadows In Our Hearts

by Askeebe



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Character of Color, Renegade Commander Shepard, breath play, dark!Thane, no warm fuzzies, potential dubcon, violent and dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:49:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3687687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askeebe/pseuds/Askeebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renegade Shepard tempts Thane into giving up his strict moral code.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read any of my other Shrios fanfics, be warned. This pairing is completely different and no relation to my other stories. Thane and Shepard are both dark renegades who have no desire to change.

It took a while before he trusted her enough to tell her even a fraction of his life story. She wasn't surprised. No one with his skill set would go around bragging about their achievements. So when he admitted he needed her help, it came as a shock. The reason for it was an even bigger one. The assassin she thought she knew had once had a family, a wife. Still had a son. He hadn't seen him in years, barely knew his son anymore, but still felt enough guilt and remorse that he didn't want the kid following in his own footsteps. She agreed. Without proper training, Kolyat would probably end up dead within six months.

They were headed to the Citadel anyway, so it was no skin off her nose to go along with him. Tracking down the kid proved easy enough; he made a piss poor hit man. She never knew what they talked about in that interrogation room. She asked him about it one night when she stopped by. His response? "I do not wish to discuss it, Shepard. It is done." She held up her hands in apology. She never brought it up again and neither did he.

A couple days later, EDI found a batarian slaver transfer point, and Shepard grinned wickedly. Ever since batarian slavers had killed her family on Mindoir, she made it a personal goal to kill as many of them as possible. As she ran through the roster to decide who to take with her, Thane came to mind. She wanted to see his face when she asked him, to see if there was any fire still left under his cold demeanor. She rather suspected there was and had been trying to figure out how to kindle it back to life.

She found him in the hangar bay practicing some sort of drell assassin karate moves. She leaned up against the wall and just watched him. He knew she was there but ignored her. He was poetry in motion, and she loved watching him. She had been attracted to him since he dropped from Nassana Dantius' ceiling and dispatched three guards and Nassana herself with ruthless efficiency. Just thinking back to it gave her little shivers of appreciation. Stealth and attacking from the shadows was her specialty, and she knew immediately that Thane Krios was something special.

It took him another twenty minutes to finish his exercises, and she blatantly watched him the entire time. Mostly she was critiquing his moves. With his bigger build and greater muscle mass, he could rely on strength moves that were beyond her. However, she picked out several moments where she could have isolated a joint of his and taken him down. Maybe. They hadn't seriously sparred each other since she had recruited him. Looking at him now, she thought they needed to rectify that. But that would be for another day. He had finished up and was headed her way.

Thane stopped directly in front of her. He had stripped to a pair of loose pants for his exercise and nothing else. Without his black leather, his chest appeared much broader, and she could see the iron muscles in his arms bunch and flex. "Did you need something, Shepard?"

Her lips twitched. There were a few things she needed now that she was looking at him half-clothed. Instead, she put it out of her head and asked her original question. "EDI found a batarian slaver base. I plan to destroy it. Want to help?"

She hadn't been wrong. There was a flicker of eagerness in those dark eyes, and he stood just a little straighter. "I would be honored to accompany you, Shepard," was all he said, but she thought his voice was a touch deeper. That deep, gravelly voice was another thing she found attractive, and the thought of hearing him in her ear for the next several hours was not unpleasant.

"Good. Suit up and meet me in back here in ninety minutes."

He stepped into the elevator with her, and she leaned back and closed her eyes as the strong scent of drell filled the small space. It was spicy, earthy, and a little bit smokey. She opened her eyes when the elevator stopped to let him off. She caught him looking at her with those enigmatic dark eyes. She let the barest hint of a smile touch her lips as he stepped out.

* * *

There was nothing she loved so much as killing batarians, especially batarian slavers. She loved stealthing up behind them and shooting them at point blank range only to fade away before their companions could even open fire. Even more, she loved slipping behind one and sinking her blade into the soft tissues of his midsection and twisting to inflict maximum damage.

Thane was more measured about his kills. He claimed a sniper's perch early on and was dropping them quickly. Grunt simply looked like he was having fun charging up to them and discharging that heavy shotgun he loved to use. Every once in a while, he'd simply use it as a club.

All too soon it was over. There were three batarians still alive in the furthest room, but they had thrown down their weapons and pleaded for mercy. Shepard sent Grunt back to the shuttle after telling him he did a fantastic job. As he left, Thane watched her with curious eyes. She beckoned him closer as she walked back to the captives, and he stepped to her side.

She turned to Thane and started speaking in a casual tone. "You once told me you were nothing more than a weapon, Thane." He nodded agreement. "So you didn't take any pleasure whatsoever in killing these bastards?" There were many lying dead on the ground with head shots. There were fewer where he'd taken his killing shot in the chest.

"You are my employer, Shepard. If you order me to fight, I fight. If you order me to kill someone, it will be done."

"And I appreciate that, Thane. I really do. But I think you and I have something unique in common. It was scum like this that took from each of us the only things we ever cared about. When I close my eyes at night, I see a batarian fucker just like this one drag my little sister away right past the dead body of our mother. I see another of those unholy assholes shoot my dad in the stomach and leave him to die slowly as he watched his little girl be dragged off into slavery. He never knew if I lived or not. He died before I could get to him. So you might understand why I'm not inclined to be very merciful when it comes to batarians." She ignored the shaking of the captives.

Thane watched her closely, obviously wondering what her plans were. She continued. "Something similar happened to you. Batarians seeking revenge but too cowardly to go after you directly. So instead they destroyed your family. Let me ask you, Thane. How merciful are you?"

His eyes narrowed as he glanced at the quivering captives. One of them still had a shock baton shoved through his belt. "I am your weapon, Shepard. Mercy is not a quality I consider anymore." She had cracked something inside him, though. She could see it in the way his hand clenched around his pistol grip and the way his full lips thinned out as he stared at the three.

"Really? Because I think you've shown a great deal of mercy here today." She gestured at the closest dead batarian lying on the floor. "Head shot." She pointed to another. "Head shot." Another. Another. "They didn't even have time to realize they were dead. One second they're living, breathing, fighting. The next...oblivion. You are very kind, Thane. Much more than I am." Whirling suddenly, she whipped a thin blade from her hip and shoved it up and into the nearest captive's armpit. He screamed and collapsed to his knees as dark brownish-red blood streamed down his side. "This one has about five minutes left to live, maybe as many as fifteen if he can calm down." She stepped back and cocked her head to the side as she watched him bleed and sob. "What do you think of me, Thane? Does my bloodlust disgust you?"

His head jerked to the side and she saw him bite his lip. She'd seen something similar one night in his room when she'd triggered a memory of his. He must be going through one now, fighting to keep the words inside. "No," he breathed as he, too, looked at the blood pooling on the ground. When she moved around to look at his face, there was a fire in his eyes that had been hiding since he boarded the Normandy.

"You know the best thing about being a Spectre, Thane?"

Mutely, he shook his head.

"As long as I get the job done, I can do anything I want and no one can do or say anything to stop me." She stopped in front of the second captive. All three men were staring at her as if their lives depended on her. For two of them, they did.

Again, she stabbed forward. This time the blade buried itself in the batarian's soft gut and he let out an anguished scream. She leaned in and stared into his eyes. In an ice cold voice she said, "That was for my mother." She jerked the knife sideways drawing another throat-rending scream as he slumped to the floor. "And that was for my sister." She kicked him in the gut, tearing open the knife wound enough for glistening entrails to show in the harsh overhead light. "And that's for my father, you goddamned son of a bitch!"

The third captive tried to run in spite of the fact that she'd handcuffed him to the piping. He was sobbing, and by the smell of it had pissed his pants in fear. Ignoring him, she turned to Thane again wondering if she'd pushed too far. "What about you, Thane? Are you ready to take your vengeance for what they did to you?"

"I've already taken my full measure of vengeance, Shepard," he said, but his voice sounded regretful. When she compared it to the avid way his gaze latched onto the batarian writhing in pain on the floor, she didn't think it sounded like the voice of a man who regretted his past actions, but more like a man who was sorry he didn't have a reason to continue.

"Are you my weapon, Thane?" He nodded and followed her gaze to the third batarian. Her voice was harsh and cold. "Your employer has  _not_ had her full measure of vengeance. Your employer wishes for her weapon to finish what she started."

Finally a smile touched those full lips. It was a smile that promised death, slow and painful. It was a smile that said he had done this in the past and liked it. "Your weapon is pleased to obey, Shepard." His pistol rose and shot the last batarian in the groin.

She smiled grimly. It wouldn't bring her family back, but each small measure of justice calmed the hysterical monster of hate and grief inside her for a short while. She looked at Thane, wondering if he felt the same.

Her breath caught in her throat when he looked back at her. There he was! The predator was finally showing himself. Now to draw him out a little further. She grinned at him wolfishly. "I knew we had something in common. Stay by my side, Thane, and my weapon will get everything he wants."

She headed back toward the shuttle, stepping carefully to avoid getting any more batarian blood on her than was necessary. Thane didn't say a word, but she could feel him like a cold, dark shadow at her back.

* * *

_Special thanks to Stacey218 for doing a beta read and encouraging me to post this. Because without her, this would still be sitting on my hard drive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful and talented SynthicRealities created a fanmix for this fic on 8tracks. Listen here: http://8tracks.com/syntheticrealities/venomous  
> (That's so cool!)


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you have a few minutes to talk?" That's how she always started her conversations with him. Usually he nodded politely and gestured for her to take a seat across from him. They would talk about many things: the environment domes on Kahje compared to the open purple fields of Mindoir; the relative merits of studying philosophy over the hedonistic appeal of pop culture videos; bragging rights about previous missions. Those were all safe topics, devoid of emotional baggage and yet at the same time allowing them to get to know each other.

Tonight, however, he stood to meet her near the display racks that held his weapons. She moved to study them. They were as beautiful and deadly as he was. "I was in the midst of meditations, Shepard." The fire that had flared so brilliantly on the planet's surface was banked again, the coals barely showing any heat in those ebony eyes.

She disregarded his excuse. She had no intention of letting him fall back into that half-alive state he'd been living in since she'd recruited him. She prided herself on knowing what motivated her soldiers to get the most out of them. She could even fake companionship and joviality with the best of them. But she wanted more for Thane. She needed to see him burn and come alive again. She had been searching since Mindoir for someone with the inner strength and fire to stand up to her, and every time she had come away disappointed. Not this time, she told herself.

"We're on a ship. You can meditate later. I want to talk."

A faint thinning of those classical lips was the only indication that he was displeased with the situation, but as always, he handled it with quiet calm and grace. She noted, however, that he didn't offer her a seat. That was fine. She would much rather have this conversation standing with nothing between them.

"Have you thought about what I said to you planetside?"

"I have thought of little else," he admitted dryly.

"And?"

"And nothing, Shepard. On missions, I am your weapon. If you desire a death in a certain way, that is nothing new to me. I have been taught that it is preferable to take life quickly and painlessly."

She felt his hesitation hang in the air. With another, she might have been able to let silence eat away at his comfort and convince him to talk, but this assassin had remade silence into his tool as much as he wrapped shadows around his body. "Preferable on occasion, perhaps," she allowed. "Is that all you were taught?"

He gave a minute shake of his head. "I know how to take life quickly. I also know how to prolong it."

"You did that with the batarians you hunted," she accused. She felt her breath speeding up, imagining him on the hunt, blending with the shadows as he stalked his unsuspecting targets.

He nodded in agreement before he tilted his head slightly to the side to study her. It was unnerving how he studied her so intensely. She knew she was prodding him far past what they had discussed in the past, but she didn't care. She had managed to get past the barriers of every other one of her specialists. She wasn't going to let Thane keep her out, not when there was something about him that drew her in like a moth to a flame.

"Did it bring you any peace?" She had been striving for that peace for years, telling herself that if she could just kill enough slavers, she would make it unprofitable for them and they would give up preying on poorly defended colonies. She had pressured Hackett hard for the chance to lead the team that avenged the attack on Elysium. She had wrought such destruction on the batarians that they called her the Butcher of Torfan, but even that hadn't managed to quell the ravaging screaming hole in her heart.

"Not enough," he said as he took one step forward. "Not nearly enough."

"How do you select your contracts now? Are you offering protection or vengeance?" Which way did his moral compass point? Was he trying to atone for his past, or was he like her? Was he willing to say fuck it to all those moralizers who didn't know what people like them had been through?

"Can it not be both?" He was feeling her out, trying to understand what her motivations were so that he could be the perfect employee. She'd had enough of that shit with all the psych evals after Torfan.

"No," she said, stabbing a finger into his chest. It felt like she had stabbed rigid metal. "There's only one primary motivation, Thane. Tell me, and be honest about it. If you truly desire to protect innocents, I understand, and I won't bother you anymore." She took a step closer, enough that she could smell the leather from his jacket and see the fine scales on his face. "But if what you really want is revenge and a way to silence the demon that dwells in your heart...well, you won't find anyone who understands that better than me." She flattened her hand against his chest and felt the rough texture of the scales against her fingertips.

He was strength and shadows. She longed to slide his jacket off to pool on the floor and run her hands over his chest and shoulders. She'd seen him in battle, weaving through enemies, jumping obstacles, firing with insane precision. He was all power and aggression, but he held it on such a tight leash and only rarely let it show. It was one reason she'd been bringing him on missions with her more frequently. She wanted to see him in action. It fueled the fantasies she indulged in at night alone in her bed. Those fantasies helped fend off the nightmares. But she was greedy. She wanted more than a fantasy. She wanted to know if he could match up to the ideal she had in her head.

He stood ramrod straight and ignored her hand on his chest. "I have struggled to put my desire for vengeance behind me, Shepard."

"Why?" she goaded gently. She had to be careful here. She wanted to draw him out, but he had built so many walls around himself that it was difficult to find the threads that would lead her through the maze. He didn't answer her. They had moved beyond the safe topics of conversation where words flowed easily between them. Now they were in unknown territory and each step was fraught with peril. Would he respond with truth or would he turn her away? He was quiet, and she could sense the struggle inside him. There was a faint hum and vibration in his chest that tickled her palm.

When he did finally answer her question, his rough voice was so quiet she had to strain to hear it over the hum of the ship's life support plant. "It is not what my wife would have wanted."

Ah, was that the golden thread she had been seeking? She considered her words before she spoke. She could drive him away, or maybe she could crack through some of those seemingly impenetrable walls. "You wife is dead, Thane. You are not." She pushed against his chest. "Don't live in the past."

Like a cobra striking, his hand wrapped around her wrist and twisted it off his chest and down by his side. It pulled her off balance and rather than fight it, she let herself fall against his chest. Now she had to crane her neck to look up at him. "Don't presume to tell me how to live my life, Shepard. You are my employer. Nothing more."

Her wrist ached in his iron grip, but then she felt his thumb slide along the underside of her wrist in a move that was anything but punishing. "I could be," she whispered. "All you have to do is admit that you want me. Admit that you want more than the cold emptiness of your bed at night. Admit that you want to feel the fire of being alive again. I can give you that, Thane," she promised.

"I loved my wife." His voice cracked with the intensity of emotions behind it. "You have no idea what it's like for me, Shepard. I can close my eyes and see her, hear her,  _feel_ her in my arms. But when I open my eyes, she's gone, and nothing will  _ever_ bring her back to me." At the last, he closed his eyes and she saw his handsome features twist with terrible pain.

"No," she agreed softly. "But I'm here." Her hand was still trapped in his grip, but she slid the other one under his jacket to rest against his side.

His mood turned as fast as a pulsar flicker. His free hand came up to press against her throat and push her bodily up against the wall. "I don't want a replacement for my wife, Shepard," he hissed. "I will never love again."

She fought down the frisson of fear the sparked from her stomach and made her limbs feel icy. His hand was a band of steel around her throat, pressing just hard enough to make it a struggle to breathe. He could crush it easily, and they both knew it. They also both knew he wouldn't. She stared back defiantly and whispered, "I don't want love, Thane. I want someone to share the darkness with, someone who can make it a little less lonely."

His thumb slid over her pulse point again, and the shock and warmth that flowed from that tiny spot warred with the instinctual panic caused by his hand cutting off some of her airflow. He leaned in to breathe the scent of her hair, then placed his lips next to her ear. "Why me?" His nose brushed against her jaw as he slowly explored the contours of her face.

He still hadn't released the pressure against her throat, and now his body was brushing up against her. It was only a touch, his leather jacket grazing against her breasts, but the effect was electric. Her nipples tightened painfully and her hand gripped hard into the muscles of his side. "You're like me," she panted in tiny breaths of air. "Anger and loss driving you on. Makes you stronger. No pity. No remorse. We understand each other."

"It doesn't bother you that I'm an alien?" he demanded. "You're Cerberus. There are plenty of humans on this ship if all you want is sex."

She snorted out her disgust at that. "Please. Not a one of them can look at me without trying to salute or call me ma'am." She couldn't take it anymore, and her free hand came up to try and tug his hand away from her throat. In response his hand tightened even more in warning. She closed her eyes and stopped trying to pull it free but left her hand holding on to his. He was only allowing the barest amount of air through, and she was starting to get lightheaded. He was bringing back frightening flashes of suffocating when she was spaced, and it was all she could do not to whimper.

"I work for you, Shepard, but when we are not on a mission, I do not have to obey you," he warned as he slowly pressed the full length of his body up against her. "Here, I am not your weapon," he emphasized with a low growl.

He was overwhelming her, filling her senses. His voice at her ear sent a bolt of electricity tingling through to her groin. At the same time, her control started to slip and she couldn't help but start to struggle against him in a futile attempt to free herself. It was like fighting against a rock. He didn't move except to lower his head and gently graze his teeth across the side of her neck. It was all too much, and she felt like she would explode if something didn't give.

Abruptly he loosened his grip on her throat, although his hand still pushed her back against the wall. Her body throbbed with ecstasy at being able to breathe again as she gulped in air. His own throat was so close to her, and his scent was thick in the air she breathed. Leather, desert sand, gun oil.

"I am neither your weapon nor your toy, Shepard," he repeated. "I will not be ordered around anymore. By anyone. You should think twice before you offer yourself to me again."

Her heartbeat was thudding so hard that she could feel it jump underneath his hand. He felt it too, because his fingers brushed against her pulse sending it beating even faster. "I don't want a toy," she whispered. "And I'm tired of men who have to be ordered around. You want me, don't you, Thane?

Abruptly, he dropped his hand and stepped back by the table. He placed both hands behind his back and stood up straight. Even as she rubbed her throat in relief, she keenly missed the nearness of him. For a moment, she thought she'd lost him and that he would retreat behind his self-imposed walls of solitude and repentance and order her to leave. Instead he gave her a searing look that took her breath away. The fire was back in his eyes, but his voice was emotionless. "I'll give you one last chance to walk out of here, Shepard. If you stay, you abide by  _my_ rules until I choose to let you leave."

She stared at him boldly as she stepped forward. Without taking her eyes off him, she said, "EDI, lock the doors to Life Support and ensure that we are undisturbed for the next two hours." She was challenging him, imposing her deadline against his

"Yes, Shepard. Will there be anything else?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door symbol flicker from green to red before disappearing.

"No, EDI. Please give us some privacy now."

"Understood. Logging you out, Shepard."

They stood there unmoving, taking each other's measure for the longest time. Finally he pointed to a spot on the floor in front of him. "Come over here," he ordered, his voice even rougher and deeper than normal.

She moved deliberately slowly and with a sway in her hips as she covered the scant distance between them.

"Don't move," he said as he started to circle her. He made one entire circuit, moving slowly. She felt his hand ghost across her back as he passed behind her. "I won't hurt you," he promised, "but you will do as I say."

"No marks," she commanded.

He tilted his head to the side again, considering. "No visible marks," he agreed.

Her lips curved up sensuously. She could live with that.

He disappeared behind her again, leaving her to stare at the plain metal cabinets and piping that adorned the far wall. His hands touched the back of her neck, and she sucked in her breath. She remembered one mission where he snapped the neck of a human mercenary who had gotten too close to her. He had been right there, protecting her flank. Now those same hands settled delicately around her neck, and she shivered.

On either side of her neck, his fingers reached up into her hairline behind her ears and traced a line downward. She squirmed as his fingers passed over a highly sensitive spot, then forced herself to relax as his fingers kept going and slipped past her collarbone and down underneath her formal shirt collar.

He didn't explore far though. He withdrew his fingers and toyed with the hair at the nape of her neck. One by one, he removed the pins that held her long hair up in a military bun until it tumbled down her back. He combed his fingers through it, going slowly so as not to pull on any knots, until it fanned out over her back. "It's beautiful," he murmured into her ear, sending another shiver down her spine.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. One hand slid back and forth over her chest, and she was sure he was taking note of the way her breath caught in her lungs when he passed over her breasts. His other hand slid down past her stomach and toyed with the juncture between her legs, never actually applying pressure anywhere, but always gliding and moving and touching. Her hips undulated of their own accord chasing after his hand, and she whined when he moved it back to her collarbone.

He deftly unfastened her Cerberus jacket and left it hanging open. Underneath she wore only a thin white t-shirt. This time, when his hand brushed over her breast, the thin material seemed to heighten the sensation of touch, and she moaned appreciatively as she arched her back and pressed into his hand. Meanwhile, his other hand unfastened her pants and slipped inside.

She moaned again as his fingers brushed over the delicate silk of her panties and crept ever lower to that aching junction between her legs. She could feel herself getting wetter, knew he could feel the evidence on the silk. Carefully, almost casually, his fingers tweaked her nipples, switching back and forth between them until they were hard, aching peaks of desire pushing out against her t-shirt. Her breathing and moans echoed loudly in the mostly metal room, but Thane was utterly silent. She could feel him, God could she feel him, and if she looked down, she saw a leather-gloved green hand palming her breast, but she couldn't see any more of him or hear him. "Thane?" She wasn't even sure what she was asking for.

She had no idea how long they stood there as he played with her most sensitive areas. Her panties were drenched, and she longed for more. So far, he'd done nothing more than brush against her skin through the silk, and she was halfway to an orgasm while still wearing her clothes. She gasped in surprise and rolled her hips forward when he scraped his teeth over her neck. "Mmm, please," she moaned.

"Please what?" he purred into her ear.

"More." Maddeningly, he didn't change a thing, continuing to brush his fingers over her sex and across her nipples. "Please more?" She wasn't above asking, if it would get her what she wanted.

"Like this?" His index finger slipped underneath her silk panties and glided effortlessly across swollen and sensitive skin until he found the little bud that made her push even harder into his hand. She moaned something that might have been a yes. "Or this?" That same finger left her clit and slipped down until he dipped it inside her wet and aching channel.

"More, more, more," she chanted as she swiveled her hips in an attempt to get him to fill her further. Her disappointment filled the room when he withdrew his finger and slid it back to circle her clit. Back and forth, the pace always slow and steady until she was ready to go out of her mind with want and need.

He built the fire in her slowly. The feeling of him holding her tight to his chest, of being secured in his strong arms was reassuring and allowed her to let go some of the restraints she always carried until she was reduced to a squirming, writhing mess of desire. She could feel it building up inside her, needing only a tiny push more to send her over the edge. He sensed it, too.

Thane pulled on her earlobe with his teeth and whispered, "Come for me, Shepard," as his finger slipped fully inside her and his thumb rubbed circles over her clit. She threw her head back against his shoulder and sobbed out her release as her body clenched around that single finger that kept stroking her as she came. His other hand pinched her nipple hard, which only increased the intensity of her orgasm.

Eventually, she became aware that she was sagging back against his muscular body, supported by his arm around her midsection. He pressed his finger inside her a few more times, drawing an agonized moan as sensitive tissues tried to react too soon.

He brought his hand up and pushed his finger against her lips. She wrapped her lips and tongue around his finger tasting herself as she explored the rough texture of his skin. She wondered how his skin felt over the rest of his body.

Then he stepped back and left her feeling bereft of his solidity and warmth. She turned around to see him studying her. He looked the same as ever, clad in his black and grey leather while her clothing was in dishabille. "Is that all, then?" she asked, her voice harder than she meant.

He slowly shook his head. "I wish to draw this out."

One narrow eyebrow arched up high. "You have less than two hours."

He smiled, but it wasn't a friendly or easy smile. "You were the one who set the lock timer. But I told you that you would leave when I let you."

The first hint of uncertainty slid coldly through her body, and the indomitable Commander Shepard wondered for the first time if she might have bitten off more than she could chew. Then Thane was on her and there was no more time for thought.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Mercilessly, he stripped her pants and jacket onto the floor leaving her standing in just her panties and t-shirt, both of which showed her arousal.

He pushed her forward into the wall, ignoring her protests when her overheated flesh made contact with the chilly metal wall. He raised both her hands overhead and held them against the wall as well. "Don't move," he ordered. She heard the sound of leather sliding against itself and then she felt cool hands slide down her sides. "What is it you want, Shepard?" His voice whispered in her ear but aside from his hands she couldn't feel any part of him.

"I want you. I want sex. I want to forget the demons that haunt me for a while."

"Is that all?" God, his fingers were back in her hair and doing something she hadn't even known could feel that sensual.

She purred appreciatively. "Don't take this the wrong way, Thane, but we're on a suicide mission and you've got a terminal disease. We've only got a short time and I intend to make the most of it."

"You are very trusting." His hands settled on her neck again and she couldn't help the little twist of her hips as she pushed back in search of his body. The feeling of danger with him was a rush and she felt herself get wetter.

"If you want to kill me, I doubt I could stop you but you'll never make it off this ship alive, " she told him. "Besides, you have a lot more to gain with me alive than dead."

"Like?"

"Like someone to fight against the collectors." She wanted to touch him and press her body against his as she made her next point. She started to turn around only to have him slam her back against the wall with a hand on her back. Undeterred she said, "Someone willing to share your bed. Someone who understands what you've been through and will give you the chance to get what you want."

His hand slid down her back and underneath her panties to caress her curves. He pulled her panties down over her hips until they fell in a sodden heap on the floor. "I already have everything I need," he whispered in her ear. "You have given me one last mission, a chance to redeem my soul."

"It's not your soul I'm concerned about," she retorted.

"Lust?" he asked and his fingers slid between her legs, gathering the moisture there and dipping ever so teasingly inside of her before moving up to brush against her clit. "That's easy enough to manage. There are prostitutes in every city, although I admit that I rarely need to pay if someone takes my fancy."

"We're not in a city," she pointed out, although it was getting harder to keep her thoughts together. His fingers were doing magical things to the hyper-sensitive skin between her legs, and the cold metal walls were stimulating her nipples more than she thought possible.

He leaned in and she felt rough skin press against her back. He bit the back of her neck until it hurt, then let go and suckled until the pain turned into a flood of pleasure. "No, we're not. We're in my quarters, in the middle of the night cycle, with you pressed naked up against the wall begging for me to satisfy you. Is this what you wanted, Shepard?"

She pushed her ass back against him, realizing that he was still wearing those skin-hugging leather pants. But for all that, she could feel his hard length pressing back against her skin. "Fuck, yes," she breathed. "Maybe you're happy with a quick fuck when you get the urge, but I'm more discriminating in my tastes," she taunted him.

He spun her around so her back was pressed against the wall. "I don't think so. I think you're drawn to danger, and you think I'm just the one to give you what you're looking for. Dangerous, but not, because I work for you. You tempt me terribly, Shepard, and you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into." He lowered his mouth to her throat and bit the pulse point there until she cried out in pain. "It's too late to back out now."

She let her hands drop from overhead to lace behind his neck. "I've never backed down from a challenge," she replied with a snarl. She pulled his head forward to kiss him, but at the last second he twisted away so that her lips and tongue tasted the red ribbing along his cheek. It must have felt good, if his sudden indrawn gasp was any indication.

He placed both hands around her waist and picked her up easily. Having found a weak spot, she continued to tongue and kiss the ribbing, exploring its oddly velvety texture. She moved up to nibble that fringe that extended out from his cheekbones and down to his neck. It was soft and warm and pliable against her lips. She wasn't even aware that they were moving until her world turned sideways and she realized she was lying down on his cot. "Kiss me," she demanded.

"No," came the equally strong response.

"Why?"

"I want you to experience every moment in its entirety. When you beg for me, I want you to know that you do it of your own free will and not because of any effect my venom has on you."

She growled in anger at being denied. She had been fantasizing about those lips for days now, imagining how they would feel pressed against her. She wondered how potent the hallucinogenic effects would be, and she had been looking forward to experiencing that along with the rest of him. She didn't take well to being denied. She cupped his face tightly with her hands and forced him to face her. "Yes." Defiance was foremost in her tone.

He let the full force of his body slam down onto hers, effectively knocking the air out of her lungs for a moment. While she was distracted, he pushed and pulled her t-shirt up over her head and knotted it around her hands, then secured it to the top of the bunk. "I had meant to take my time uncovering you," he huffed in irritation. "Why are you so brash in the bedroom when you are so subtle on the battlefield?"

"Variety is the spice of life," she breathed, not at all unpleased with this turn of events. She pulled a couple of times, but even though the fabric stretched slightly, it was bound tightly enough to hold her fast. She wiggled underneath him and grinned a predator's grin when she felt his involuntary grind of his hips against hers.

"Then I will show you what no one else ever has." The dark promise in his face made her stomach clench in anticipation and the emptiness between her legs ached and throbbed.

He sat up, knees on the outside of her legs, and just looked at her. His hand trailed down from her neck across her chest, lingering at her breast. He touched her softly, fingers circling around the hard rosy tips but never touching. Every time she closed her eyes in delight, she fought to open them again so she could take in the glorious sight of him - black stripes winding down his arms and torso, the flex of muscles in his arms and shoulders, that hard line between abs and hip that disappeared into the waistline of his skin tight leather pants. She wanted to touch him so badly, to feel the texture of his chest, to feel the muscles bunch and slide under that reptilian skin.

His fingers slid across her skin, touching her sides, her breasts, her stomach and hips, and skating down past her lower belly and brushing over the damp curls there. Never did he touch any of her erogenous zones, but it was obvious he knew his way around a human female's body. He was building a fire inside her that demanded to be fed. Just as she was ready to yell at him in frustration, he shifted down.

He brushed against the wet seam between her legs, turning her frustration into a heated gasp of anticipation. He opened her up and leaned down to let his hot breath ghost across her clit, causing her to relax bonelessly onto the cot. Every bit of her attention was focused on his hands and mouth, praying he would take pity on her and use those marvelously talented hands to bring her off.

She gasped and arched off the bed when her prayers were answered. One long finger sank inside her as a rough tongue slithered over her skin and tickled against her nub. "Yes, yes, yes," she chanted as her body tightened up almost embarrassingly fast around him. She could feel it, that tension coiling in her belly, and she chased after it, tightening up around his finger. He curved his finger up to press into the spongy flesh inside her, and she saw stars. "Thane!" Just as suddenly, he withdrew his finger, leaving her whining and panting and thrusting her hips at him with absolutely no sense of modesty.

He tasted his finger and hummed. "Like earth and ocean both." He gave her one more lick, which only served to bring her back to the brink and leave her hovering cruelly at the edge.

"Please," she begged, but he only smirked and shook his head.

He moved down further to explore her legs, except that this time, he used his mouth as much as his hands. He found an erotic spot on her knees that she never knew existed, and his hands against the bottoms of her feet had her melting in transcendent delight.

The burning need in her had banked down to a few needy, desperate embers before he stood up. His hands went to his waistband and undid the complicated fastenings there with ease. With mounting anticipation, she licked her lips and watched avidly as he stripped out of his boots and pants. He stood before her gloriously naked and let her look her fill.

The stripes continued down his legs, and she noted absently that his feet were much smaller than she would have expected in a human. The same did not hold true when she took in his groin. His cock was already hard, jutting forward and bobbing slightly with his involuntary muscle movements. It was sleek and so dark that it was nearly black, the same color as his skin at the groin where the scales disappeared. The head was bulbous, and there was another swell near the base. His entire cock was thick and looked almost segmented with circular ridges that started just under the head and continued the entire length. "Have you ever been with a drell before?"

Her mouth was too dry to answer right away, so she shook her head without looking away from the glorious sight in front of her.

"I thought you might have from your determination to kiss me." He sounded amused.

"I read about drell," she answered as she reluctantly dragged her gaze up to his face. "I didn't come into this blind."

"Blind. Hm, now there's a thought," he said contemplatively as he sank back down onto the cot, again with his knees outside her legs. His cock hovered a few inches away from her body and she rocked her hips upward, but in vain. "Maybe another time," he said, his amusement clear now. "I want to see all of you tonight. I have something in mind for you."

She moaned in anticipation and rocked her hips again. The quiet but implacable way he took charge was so different from any of her past lovers, and she was finding, somewhat to her chagrin, that it was incredibly arousing. "Better be good," she told him.

"I doubt it will be like anything you've experienced in the past." His talented fingers went to work again, only this time, they didn't tease as they did earlier. This time, his fingers pinched and plucked at her nipples as his lips trailed scalding kisses along her neck and chest. She gave herself up to the sensations he was raising in her: warmth here, a momentary pluck of pain at her nipple, quickly overshadowed by the tickling eroticism of his mouth suckling at her neck, desire pooling in her belly, and wetness gathering between her legs.

The sound of her moans echoing off the hard metal surfaces filled the room. For his part, Thane was utterly silent as he built her to a fever pitch. He shifted until he was laying between her legs and his cock nudged at her entrance. She wrapped her legs around his hips and tried to force him forward.

He was having none of it, however, as his lips and teeth played with her breasts. "Human women are so responsive," he breathed. "They seem built for sex. They have so many places that drive them insane. I predict in another few decades, they will replace asari as the most desirable sex partners in the galaxy."

His cock teased her again as he pushed in until the head was just inside, then pulled out again. She groaned and arched up underneath him, pressing her belly against his and opening as wide as she could. "See," he smirked as he bit her nipple again. "I feel like I can play with you for hours, make you do my bidding. Would you like that, Shepard?" he purred in her ear.

"Yes, yes, please, god, Thane, yes!" Pride had no place in this seething torrent of desperation that he had provoked in her.

He slid in again, this time just a little deeper. She could feel each ridge as it passed the sensitive muscles at her entrance, and each one made her thrum like a guitar string being struck. He thrust shallowly a few times, teasing each of them, then he levered himself up on his palms to look down at her. "Do you trust me, Shepard?"

The abrupt seriousness in his tone made her open her eyes and stare at him. The flickering blue glow from the Tantalus core highlighted the hard planes of his body. The overhead lights were dim enough that all she could make out of his eyes were black pits that could be hiding anything.

Did she trust him? An assassin, estranged from his adult son because of a mistake that cost him his wife's life a decade ago. He'd spent that decade atoning for that mistake. He said he wanted to make the galaxy a better place, a brighter place, and agreed to work for her gratis. He had always been there to protect her back on missions, taking down threats she couldn't reach in time, or covering her retreat when her cloak ran out. He studied religion and quoted Thomas Hobbes. It was hard to separate out the feelings of the past few weeks from the lust consuming her now, but she remembered. She frequently brought him with her on missions for one reason: he made her feel safe.

"Yes, Thane. I do."

He sank into her fully, bringing a strangled cry from her and a guttural sigh of relief from him. Once seated, he stayed motionless. He brought up one hand and caressed her neck. It felt so good that she arched her neck, baring more of herself to him.

His answer, when it came, brought a cold shock with it. "Then you are a fool, Shepard."


	4. Chapter 4

She jerked her arms up in defense against the cold threat in his voice, but they were tied tight to the bed. When she tried to twist him off of her, he only pushed deeper inside of her, causing her to groan with pleasure even as she tried again in vain. "You think you know me. You think that because we talk of our past over tea, because I asked your help with my son, that I am a gentle soul. You think me broken over the loss of my wife. Do you seek to mend me, Shepard? Do you think that your touch, that your love will cause me to become a tender lover dedicated only to your happiness?" His hand tightened again on her neck, not to choke her but to force her to look up at him.

She managed the barest shake of her head.

"Then you only want my body? Are you that shallow?"

She tried to talk and found she could, although it came out in whispers. "Life is short. And I don't want to be like you, Thane. I don't want to love someone so much that it breaks me when they die."

A glimpse of something - anger, self-loathing perhaps - crossed his face and was gone before she could be sure. "Then I will give you what you seek, but on my terms. And afterward, you may think twice before making such a request again." He kept his hand on her throat and with her wrists tied overhead and his solid bulk on her hips, she was completely unable to move. Slowly, he withdrew and sank in again, over and over, always at a maddeningly slow pace that let her feel every ridge and bulge as he moved.

"You always want to know more about me," he whispered. "Let me tell you a story. It's a story about a target of mine. She was a human female. I don't know why my client wanted her dead and I didn't care. She was wealthy, young, and beautiful for a human. She even looked a little like you. Long black hair, dusky skin, a sway in her hips that had human men trailing behind her like varren. She had bodyguards, strong security. She never stuck to a routine. She knew she had enemies. So I had to employ another tactic."

The entire time he talked, he continued to move his hips back and forth. It was enough to keep the fires burning, but he positioned himself so that she couldn't press her clit against his body. She was dying for more stimulation, but he denied her, wanting her to pay attention to his story.

"You are not the first to be attracted to me. Asari and humans all seem to find us irresistible. Even turians are often attracted to drell. The Compact is well aware of this. My training didn't stop at firearms and hand to hand. I learned the art of seduction as well. You would be amazed at the secrets that spill from lips when that final pleasure is denied and kept just beyond reach.  _Just tell me what I want to know, and I'll give you rapturous transport beyond imagining._ " The last sentence slipped out from him even lower and rougher than normal. The promise slid into her ear and did something sinful inside her. The scare from his earlier threat faded as he continued his masterful manipulation of her body.

"It took me some time to arrange the appropriate cover, but finally we met at a socialite's party. I saw her look at me, the obvious interest in her gaze. She was like you in that respect as well. She took no lover for more than a few nights. She wanted nothing more from men that the momentary pleasure they could give her. I was to be her next trophy. I drew the chase out, not wanting her to think me too easy. After all, the prize is ever so much sweeter when the chase is difficult. A few more weeks, and she was determined to have me. We drank, we touched." His hand left her neck and stroked sensuously up her arm. "We kissed." He pressed warm, soft lips to her jaw. "She, too, knew about drell venom, but she was smarter than you. She was the one to refuse my kiss, saying she wanted to keep her wits about her."

Shepard's lips drew up in a snarl at his unflattering comparison to this past lover, but he silenced her with another hard stroke of his cock and a painful bite to her breast.

"I promised her the same thing I promised you - delights she had never experienced before. She was intrigued. She was worldly and experienced and doubted I could offer her such a thing. She was wrong." He bent down to pay attention to her breasts, pulling her nipple with his teeth until she keened in pain that was immediately transformed into pleasure as he pushed slowly into her. He was thick and hard and filled her up in ways that no human man had ever managed. She had a feeling she was ruined for humans forever more. She twined her legs around his, feeling the flex of his thighs and buttocks as he slid in and out.

"She didn't realize that I had been the one chasing her. It was just as sweet to me to be in her arms, inside her body, to feel that searing heat around my cock as her body kept pulling me in. Ah, I love human women for that," he sighed with a sated smile. "Your body is velvety soft inside, and I can make you so incredibly wet just by manipulating a few spots on your body." He proved it to both of them for the next several minutes with hands, tongue, teeth and cock until she was a whimpering, mewling mess beneath him. Her hair was tangled and sweaty as it fell across his pillow. Sweat pooled between her breasts and ran down her neck as he kept her body at a fever pitch.

"It's time, I whispered to her. For what, she wanted to know. To give you what I promised, a delight you will never match again. Her body arched against me, just as yours does, seeking fulfillment. Do you know what I did next, Shepard?"

She was lost in his words. She could see it in her mind, his slim green and black body pressed into another woman, no, a target warned some dim part of her mind in vain. His words painted a vivid picture made even more so by the actions of his body. She shook her head, afraid for the woman, even though she knew the outcome of his story.

"I laid my hand across her pale throat. So slender. So fragile," he murmured as he repeated his actions of the past with Shepard. "And then I squeezed."

She arched off the bed harder than ever as his fingers closed ever so slightly, but it was enough to cut off her air completely. Her eyes and mouth were wide open, but no sound came out. The shock of not being able to draw breath consumed her, but there was still air in her lungs. After a couple of seconds, she felt him surge into her hard. Then he withdrew and pushed in again. She was flying apart, unable to cope with the sensations of being fucked so thoroughly while her body was screaming for air. She was growing dizzy, but that only heightened the feeling of his ridged cock thrusting in and out of her. Just as spots were growing at the edges of her vision, his hand let up and she gasped and coughed for air.

"Just like that. She was afraid. For a moment. Then I kissed her fears away. Did you like that? I asked as I kissed her neck and down to her breasts." Thane's actions followed his words, copying on her what he had done to that other woman years ago. "Can you guess what she said?"

Shepard had no doubt what that other woman had said. "Yes."

"And again, she added," Thane told her in his rough voice. "So I obliged her." His hand closed on her throat again. She hadn't quite gotten her breath back from the last time, but he didn't let up. The assassin kept thrusting into her, riding the frantic movements of her body with ease. She wanted to scream. She wanted to beat him with her fists. She tried to kick him away with her feet but nothing had any effect on him. She started to flash back to the Normandy SR1 under attack and the gasping feeling of trying to breathe with no air left in her suit, but the fullness inside her kept distracting her. She caught sight of him with his head thrown back and eyes closed in ecstasy. She lost track of where she was - past or present, space or bed. Her world narrowed down to the white hot tension coiling inside her belly and the desperate need for air.

His hand opened again, not completely, but enough to let her draw in a ragged breath of air as he continued moving in her at a faster pace. It felt sublime and only heightened the feeling of each ridge thrusting past her contracting muscles at her entrance. But there was also fear there. Fear that hadn't been there before, that he might go too far. "Stop," she whispered

"Are all human women so predictable?" he growled. "She, too, pleaded with me to stop, that she was afraid. A tear ran out of each eye. That's enough, she said, trying to gain back the control she had ceded to me. She tried to call out for her bodyguards, but her room was well soundproofed, and as soon as she made a noise, I closed my hand. Be silent, I told her." Thane's thumb brushed against her thudding pulse point, and she shivered in fear and pleasure both. This had gone far further than she ever expected, and even as her mind chittered with fear of suffocation, her body was growing more and more aroused by the sensations.

He must have noticed it as well. Removing his hand from her throat, he slid it down between their bodies and scraped a nail gently across her clit, causing her to cry out in exhilaration. "You like this," he accused her. "You're getting so very, very wet." His finger dipped between them, then came up to her mouth. He pushed it in, crudely copying the actions of his cock pushing into her. "I can feel your wetness along my thighs, soaking into my sheets. Is that what you want, Shepard? For me to sleep in this place surrounded by the scent of your sex? I need no reminders of this evening. I will be able to recall in perfect detail every glorious second of you writhing helplessly beneath me, dependent on me for your pleasure."

He reached between their bodies again, but this time it was his fused middle fingers that he pushed into her willing mouth. She sucked them clean and ran her tongue along the groove between the finger bones. "Think of that next time you choose to visit me for tea. When I'm looking at you, is it because I'm considering your words, or am I remembering the way your body clutches at my cock, reluctant to let it go?"

He pulled his fingers from her mouth, leaving a wet trail on her cheek as he caressed her cheekbone down to her neck. "Ah, but I never finished my story, did I? She felt so good beneath me as I denied her air." His fingers tightened, and even though she was expecting it, it still awakened the primal fear inside her. "Her body tensed, just as yours is doing. She jerked and shuddered, trying to expel me from her body, but I was too strong." He paused to let the effects of suffocating grow stronger inside her as he thrust quickly. He felt even harder than he had before, but maybe she was just becoming more sensitive. Then he bit her nipple and her entire body arced so hard that she was sure she'd pulled every muscle in her back. He let her breathe, randomly and never enough, as he continued to fuck her hard.

"I did the same thing with her. She relaxed a tiny bit, thinking that this was simply a more extreme version of sex than she was used to. No one gets killed during sex, do they? That thought was plain on her face as she gave herself up to the ecstasy I was giving her. And then...and then..." He planted a delicate kiss on her forehead before he looked down at her. "And then, I never let go. Oh, by the gods," he moaned as she twisted frantically underneath him. She felt his movements become jerky and uncoordinated. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I spilled into her then as her body convulsed and died around me. It was exquisite."

She couldn't breathe, hadn't been able to for far too long. Terrified, she looked at him and saw his eyes closed in remembered euphoria. Then his hand left her throat completely and slid underneath her to hold her close as he thrust so hard that she could feel him nudging up against her cervix. Sobbing, she gasped for air as her body responded to his demands. His pelvis tilted down to rub against her clit and she shattered in his arms. She tilted her head back in a soundless scream as every muscle in her body tensed. She felt him make one last shuddering thrust inside her as he squeezed his arms around her so tightly that she couldn't breathe for a whole different reason.

How long they lay together like that, she would never know. His weight was heavy, but he wasn't actively trying to keep her from breathing anymore, so she could deal with it by taking short, shallow gasps. Her mind was still lost, reeling and shying away from the revelations of both his confession and how she reacted to it. His fingers brushed languidly against her sides, and his face was buried against her neck.

Something odd about his breathing finally pulled her attention back from the depths of inner space where it had been hiding. His shoulders were shaking and his fingers pressed against her sides. The touch was soft, completely different from the commanding way he'd held her just moments ago. "Thane?" Except that no sound came out of her abused throat. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Thane?" The word was raspy but clear.

He stilled immediately and pressed a gentle kiss against her neck where his thumb had pushed down. She felt him softening inside her. Without looking up, he reached up and swiftly freed her hands. Groaning softly, she brought her arms down to rest on his back. Now she could finally run her hands along his skin, feeling the soft, dry, bumpiness of his scales underneath her fingertips. She was only afforded a few seconds exploration, however, before he pulled away and stood up. He reached for his pants and put them on facing into the engine room.

She looked at him in confusion. His back was ramrod straight as he caught his vest up from the chair and shrugged it on. Okay, so she hadn't expected a cuddler, but maybe a few words. She tried again. "Thane?"

He sat down to put on his boots. They melded almost seamlessly into his leggings. It wasn't until he stood again to put on his jacket that he responded to her. "I shall leave you to get dressed in private. Good night, Shepard." Without once looking at her, he stalked out of Life Support while she stared after him.

It was easier not to think of anything, she decided. She cleaned herself off mechanically and got dressed. She wrapped her hair back into a bun and studied her fuzzy reflection in a metal cabinet. Nothing looked any different, but everything felt different. What had she done? And what had she done to Thane? She shook her head once. She couldn't think about it. Not now. Not tonight. Later, she promised herself. She would deal with everything later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem. I have never attempted anything this dark or this explicit, but I wanted to get this plot bunny out of my head. I am unsure if I will continue with this pair. They have issues. Obviously. I'm very interested in what others think, if it's too dark, too unrealistic, or if there's anything more worth looking at.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There was more to the story. Welcome to the aftermath.

_What have I done?_  That thought beat against the inside of Thane's head over and over as he slipped out of Life Support and down the narrow service stairwell. He couldn't face seeing anyone at the moment, so even if it was the middle of the  _Normandy's_ night cycle, he took the path least traveled.

Down he went, past engineering and even past the hangar. It was hard finding private places on a ship as small as the  _Normandy_ , but he was persistent. It had only taken him two days to find the entrance to the service ducts underneath the hangar deck. The only one who could find him here was EDI, but he hoped the Commander would leave him in peace.

_Why did I let her push me into that?_  There was just enough room here for him to duck into a cabled alcove and sink into a meditative posture. He closed his eyes and reached for the peace and calm he had been taught as a young child, but tonight it did not come easily.

_I should have sent her away._ He nearly had. She reminded him how terribly he missed his wife and then had the temerity to suggest she could take Irikah's place? But her hand was warm against his skin. Her scent was sweet and enticing. And most of all, he didn't have to pretend. She knew what he was and didn't flinch away. Even with Irikah, he had never revealed all the details of his work. She didn't want to know, so he pretended to be someone else. Someone better. And for a while, he had almost believed it. For nearly an entire decade, he had pretended to be a good husband and father, his true business buried under the lie of mundane business. Then she was murdered and everything came crashing down around him.

_Enough!_ He pushed those thoughts from his mind by long force of habit. He concentrated on slowing his breathing.

_Black hair tossed and tangled across the white pillow. Her mouth open, skin flushed, and eyes closed as she writhes beneath him, desperate for his touch. His hand, such contrast across her throat. The way her body tightens up around him, velvety soft and pulling him deeper and deeper still. The fear in her eyes at the end before he allows her to breathe and brings them both to completion._

His hand clenched tight, but there was nothing to fight. He could feel it all again, and even though the act was only moments in the past, he was already hard again. He visualized her laid out in front of him, here in this dark, cramped space, unable to twist and turn as he penetrated her body again and again.

He wanted to grab fists full of her long dark hair as he thrust into her mouth. He wanted to press her face first into the bed as he grabbed her hips and took her brutally from behind.

Worst of all, he had a terrible feeling she would let him.

She was supposed to fight back. To yell and scream at him. Instead she had caressed him, held him close. More importantly it wasn't the patently fake closeness of paid sex; he was more than familiar with the difference. And for just a moment his control slipped and he wanted her. Not the release of the body but the closeness of spirit. But how could he hope for that after the cruelty he had just inflicted?

His frustration surged. Why her? He had been with numerous women in the past - asari, human, the occasional drell. Sex was only a tool, sometimes a weapon. Only with one woman had it ever meant anything more. Until tonight.

No! He would not think of Shepard in the same moment as his beloved. They were nothing alike! Irikah would be appalled at Shepard's lust for killing. But he understood it. He had lived it.

It was of no matter that Shepard had helped him steer his son away from darkness. Just because she went out of her way to help her crew with their problems meant nothing! Tonight had proved to him that she was ultimately selfish. She had come to him looking for something that would satisfy her with no regard for his wishes.

He had only wanted to be left in peace for the last few months in this life. Atonement was surely a lost hope for him, but he wouldn't give up. Instead this woman with a spirit twice the size of her body invaded his space and offered him a temptation he couldn't push away. At the least he had intended to scare her away by putting her in the same position as his target of so long ago, but that had backfired on him spectacularly.

Now, instead of the respect he had felt for this odd human Spectre, he felt lust and the possessiveness for a target. Even though he hadn't actively been hunting Shepard, he knew her better than any of his previous targets. Her life could be his any time he wanted. By the gods, the pleasure he had felt when he took her was beyond compare, and now it was irrevocably interlaced with that kill.

He wanted something to fight or kill, something that would drain the tension from his body and soul both. He swallowed his frustrated growl. The  _Normandy_ crew were untouchable. But they were scheduled to dock at Omega in a few hours. Surely he could find something there. Abandoning his futile attempts to meditate, he began to search for open contracts on Omega.

It was lunch time before hunger drove him from his seclusion. He was careful as always and no one saw him until he appeared in the ship's mess.

Lunch was always crowded and he selected a seat near the back where his only company was Grunt. Normally he would have looked elsewhere, but today he welcomed the fact that Grunt would discourage other diners from sitting with them.

Unfortunately his luck expired. Shepard and her turian shadow approached. He looked around and cursed mildly when he realized this was the only open spot left.

"Grunt. Thane," she said by way of greeting as she and Garrus sat down. He returned a perfunctory nod. Hiding his emotions in public was second nature to him, and he knew his mask of impenetrable calm was firmly in place.

He glanced surreptitiously at Shepard as she sat next to him. Her hair was in a neat bun as always. She was wearing a high collared jacket, which distressed him. He had promised her no visible marks and regardless of what else had transpired he prided himself on keeping his word. He knew that in spite of the fact that she was tougher than most, she was still only human.

"Been to Omega much, Thane?" the turian asked.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Frequently enough, although most Omega residents take care of their affairs themselves rather than hire a professional."

"Place is a shithole," Garrus remarked.

Thane agreed but saw no need to vocalize it. Especially since he was preoccupied with trying to ignore his body's response to the woman sitting next to him.

"Feel like checking out the weapon vendors with me? Less oversight means better prices than anywhere else."

Thane hid his surprise at the turian's offer. He still wasn't entirely used to the way Shepard's crew had casually adopted him. "Ah, thank you, but I have some personal business to attend to on Omega. As long as the Commander does not require my attention," he added with a pointed look at her, curious how she would respond.

There was a very slight increase in her breathing. "No, not right now. I have to talk with Aria when we dock. I'm sure if I need you, I can find you."

"Indeed. I am at your disposal, Commander."

She muttered under her breath and it was only because he was sitting right next to her that he caught it. "Only when you want to be."

Suddenly Grunt lurched to his feet. "Still hungry," he grumbled. The  _Normandy_ wasn't designed for krogan and as he pushed past the table, he bumped into Shepard so hard that she was knocked almost into Thane's lap. She automatically tried to catch her balance by putting her hand out but it landed high on his thigh.

His own reflexive action was to snake his arm around her back to steady her. He turned his head and his nose was buried in her hair. A quick inhalation and he smelled her shampoo and underneath that he could still smell sex and arousal. He got hard so quickly that it was painful. Even though his rational brain told him in no uncertain terms that it was a bad idea, he couldn't stop his hand from sliding underneath her jacket and shirt to stroke across the small of her back. She drew breath sharply and her hand clenched on his thigh. Suddenly he wished she were wearing a dress so he could push it up and bend her over the table and take her. He didn't care who was watching.

Garrus yelled after the retreating youngster. "Watch where you're going, Grunt! You okay, Shepard?"

Thane didn't like the way the turian watched as they disentangled themselves. Especially because he knew it wasn't his imagination that her hand definitely caressed his thigh before she jumped up and followed Grunt. "Fine, Garrus. Just fine. Just gonna head back to my room to prep for Omega. Later." She refused to look back.

Garrus turned a puzzled expression back to Thane. "What's gotten into her? Thought she was hungry."

Thane had neither the energy nor inclination to answer. His blood was thrumming loudly through his veins and visions of last night were rising up to overwhelm him. He had to get away before the former detective could connect him to Shepard's behavior. Carefully controlling his vocals he bid farewell to Garrus and headed back to Life Support as quickly as was prudent.

He needed to fuck or kill something. Fortunately, Omega had a plethora of both. They couldn't arrive there soon enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Omega was indeed a shithole, to use Garrus' description. No one glanced twice at the weapons he carried onto the station as he set off at a brisk pace to meet his contact. The asari reeked of former Special Forces. He wondered what she had done to get kicked out of the regular army and reduced to peddling small time contracts. She was desperate enough to offer services of a more personal nature, but he didn't have time to indulge. At least, that's what he told himself. It was easier to believe that lie instead of admitting he'd rather fuck a human. Specifically one with long dark hair, a petite stature, and a spirit that haunted him. No, the  _Normandy_ would lift again in less than twenty three hours. He needed to track down his target and fulfill his contract quickly.

Forcing his mind into the well grooved patterns of hunter and assassin, he was able to cool the inopportune urges of his body and settle into the hunt. Even though it had been over five years since he had hunted on Omega, no one had bothered to seal the roof hatches into the Dragon's Den, a club that tried, and failed, to compete with Afterlife. Its clientele was decidedly less classy than Afterlife's, which spoke volumes to the quality of people on the dance floor.

He dropped gracefully onto the catwalks and sank down to survey the crowd. His target was a wealthy and powerful red sand dealer. The contract was an investment opportunity by one of his competitors. Normally Thane didn't stoop to involve himself in such petty power squabbles of the underworld, but this was a special case. It was this or silencing an informant, and of the two, this one seemed the lesser of two evils.

He quickly spotted his target - a tall and broadly built human. He flaunted both wealth and power, and as expected, he had already attracted a human woman who was fawning over him. The male was leaning back in his booth, enjoying the attentions of the dark-haired woman wearing a red dress that exposed more skin than it covered. Though he could only see her from the back, she reminded him pleasantly of Shepard, with the same long dark hair and light brown skin.

Since he couldn't approach his target in a crowded nightclub, he sat cross-legged on the catwalk and waited until they left. Up here, among the constantly moving spotlights, he didn't fear detection, so he let his mind wander back to last night, keeping only the barest sliver of attention on his mark. His body ached and chafed against the thick leather of his armor as he remembered how soft Shepard had felt underneath him. He knew it was dangerous to indulge during a mission, but he couldn't get that last moment out of his mind, with her body writhing and jerking under his and the way she climaxed instantly when he let go of her throat. It had been one of the most intense orgasms he'd had in years. He was supposed to be able to suppress such base longings of the body, so why did this one act haunt him so?

He noticed that the human whore had straddled the man's lap and was playfully grinding against him. Although his expression never changed, he growled inwardly and thought about taking the woman after he completed his contract. If all she wanted was money, he had plenty of that, and with her hair and body, he could almost pretend it was the one he really wanted underneath him.

The woman leaned in to whisper something, and the man answered with a huge grin. He stood up, hands clasped firmly around the woman's ass to hold her next to him. Thane peered through his rifle scope to check where they were going, and what he saw struck him through with white hot fury. The woman in the red dress was none other than the one who had been haunting him this entire day - his Commander and his desire, Shepard!

Thane cursed like he hadn't in years even as he bolted to his feet and stalked them along the catwalks. There were two bodyguards following along, but he discounted their presence almost entirely. The small party disappeared into the back, where his mark would have access to a private car. Thane had already planned to make his move there, so he moved on autopilot as he dropped unnoticed from the catwalk into a patch of dense shadows and slid through the crowd following his prey.

He pushed boldly through the doors and out into the alley. He had already checked out the cameras, and only one would need to be neutralized. It took a half second for the camera, and his pistol was already tracking the first bodyguard. Two silenced shots later, the man was falling to the ground, two new holes in his head. The time needed to take out the camera gave the second bodyguard time to draw his weapon and fire at Thane, but he had already anticipated the path of the bullets and was across the sidewalk and out of harm's way. The pistol in his hand whispered twice more, and the second man was falling to the ground while the first was still flopping in autonomic reflex.

His mark yelled "Hold it!" and was drawing a showy, custom heavy caliber pistol from inside his jacket. Shepard, to her credit, was already twisting to the side, and one of her stiletto heels raked viciously down the mark's leg and into the top of his foot before she danced away, leaving him an open target for Thane. It didn't get much easier than that, and the human went down with two holes in his head that matched his bodyguards'.

Thane held his pistol at the ready and pointed slightly downward as he and Shepard glared at each other. "What the hell are you doing?" they yelled simultaneously at each other. Shepard looked as furious as Thane felt.

"This is no place to have a conversation," Thane muttered as he reached out to grab her wrist. "Come on!" He pulled so hard she nearly fell as he yanked her toward the back alleys that led away from the night club.

"Let go of me!" she yelled as she tried unsuccessfully to twist her arm free of his grip, but he refused, continuing to drag her down another block. She finally put her hands together to wrench free of his grip.

Quick as a flash, he whirled and grabbed her arm, pushing her backward into a darkened alley. "You are making too much noise," he hissed at her.

"Maybe I don't care." She wasn't quiet, but at least she wasn't yelling anymore.

"Well I do! I just killed three men back there and would prefer not to get caught for such a minor job," he said, crowding her back against the crumbling plas-crete wall.

"I'm very well aware of what you did just now. What I don't understand is why!"

"I had a contract," he growled at her. "Surely you don't think I go around killing people for no reason."

Her eyes snapped with anger as she pushed away from the wall and stabbed him in the chest with a finger. "I don't care if you had a contract. You should have checked with me first."

"What were you doing with my mark?"

" _Your_  mark?"

"Yes, my..." He stopped and stared at her with narrowed eyes. She had emphasized the wrong word. "Why were you here?" he asked again in a voice that he knew was threatening.

She stabbed her finger against his chest again. "You interfered in my job."

More than a little irritated at her gesture, he grabbed her wrist and slammed it back against the wall. "Your job?" He was close enough to feel the heat rising from her body. The red dress she wore clung to her body, flaring out at the hips and leaving her legs deliciously bare. He was still keyed up from the kills, and arguing with Shepard was keeping the adrenaline pulsing through his body. He was struggling against his instincts, which were to shove her against the wall and take her right here in this dark and dirty alley.

She stabbed him again in the chest with her other hand, perfectly aware that it was annoying him. "Yes, my job. Aria wanted me to kill him."

He grabbed her other hand and pinned it to the wall as well. Now she was pressed to the wall and somehow his leg was wedged between hers. "Why?"

"How the hell do I know?" she shot back, arching away from the wall and pressing her chest against his. She tugged against his hands but had no leverage to pull free. "Because she's a power-hungry manipulative bitch?"

"Takes one to know one," he bit out.

"Classy, Thane." She tried to snarl at him, but the effect was spoiled somewhat by the soft moan that escaped her lips as she pressed up against his thigh.

He dropped his head so that his nose brushed along her temple. She was trapped between him and the wall, but she wasn't trying very hard to escape. He deliberately pressed his thigh harder between her legs, and his breathing sped up as she responded by grinding against him and arching her back away from the wall.

With a quick motion, he rearranged things so he could hold both her hands in place with just one of his. With his free hand, he traced the line of her ear down her neck, lingering on the junction with her shoulder. His skin was flawless and gleaming in the semi-dark. He felt a surge of professional pride that he had kept his word and not a single bruise from last night marred her perfect throat. So had she simply been playing with him this morning with her choice of clothing? Whatever it had been, it was a far cry from the teasing outfit she wore tonight.

A single thin red strap over each shoulder was all that held the flimsy conglomeration of red silk and strings up against her body. Slowly, with one finger, he pushed the strap down over her shoulder. Now the triangle it was attached to hung loose, revealing more of the swell of her breast. Lightly he traced a line over the loosened strap until he caressed the sloping side of her breast. Her chest rose in quick, sharp breaths underneath his fingertips, and when he looked up, her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted.

His lips ghosted down the side of her face until he could lightly kiss the corner of her jaw. "You test the limits of my self-control, Shepard," he whispered in her ear. The  _Normandy_ was a small ship, and from what he had gathered thus far, Shepard was still gathering resources to prepare for their final mission against the Collectors. They had weeks, probably months before their final push. He wasn't sure he could handle that long in close proximity to her without losing control.

He fastened his lips against her neck, suckling softly, but she reacted as if he were biting in the throes of passion. His fingertips drifted lower, circling around her nipple, but never quite touching it. She shifted against him, trying to drive his hand to where she wanted it, but he denied her, as much to prove that he was still in control of his reactions as anything.

Perhaps he should leave. The gods knew he wasn't a good man, but he'd tried to avoid falling into the pit of casual ruthlessness so many of his colleagues espoused. He did what he did in order to complete his contracts. Nothing more. He had avoided cruelty for cruelty's sake aside from his self-imposed mission to hunt down his wife's killers. But it could be so tempting at times, especially when the reward was as sweet as the delicious prize squirming against him. Staying with Shepard would be like trying to walk a knife's edge. She had a darkness in her that he recognized. It called to him, a kindred spirit, and where he leashed his and repressed it with meditation and ritual, she bound hers into a weapon that heightened her reputation and increased fear among her enemies. Being pulled along in her wake would make it so much easier to yield to the darkness inside him, and the beast was already awake and clawing at its confines.

Abruptly he dropped her hands and took a step backward. "You should go," he said harshly.

"What are you afraid of?" she challenged as she brought her hands down to rest on top of her head.

"Nothing." Short and sharp.

"You're afraid you won't like the person you are with me," she accused with uncanny awareness.

He looked at her appraisingly. She had a reputation for cutting to the heart of the matter and not pulling her punches. "My desires are my own."

"You desire me." She arched against the wall again and the red fabric covering her breast slipped a little further down. He snapped his gaze away and saw that she was watching him with a smirk.

"I take only what I need, not what I want."

"Really?" Her smirk grew wider. "Then why did you drag me down this alley and pin me to the wall with what felt like every intention of taking me?"

"That's not who I am," he said without looking at her.

"That's not who you think you should be," she corrected. "You can be anything you want. Life is short, Thane. You know that better than anyone. Why deny yourself something you want, especially when it's something I want, too?" She reached out to grab a fistful of his jacket and pull him closer.

He could have resisted, but he had already been pushed to the breaking point. He wanted to lose himself in her ruby red lips and plunge deep inside her willing body. "You're playing with fire, Shepard," he warned as he brushed his lips against hers.

"I court death every day, Thane. I just want to enjoy it for a change." She nipped his lip with her sharp teeth, causing him to shove her back up against the wall. He was rapidly losing the ability for rational thought as he slid his hands around her waist and grasped her hips. She nuzzled against the sensitive folds on his cheek, causing him to press himself against her and pinning her to the crumbling wall behind her. His erection was hard against his trousers, and he pressed against her center. She moaned appreciatively and rolled her hips against him.

His control finally snapped and he leaned in to claim her mouth with his, tongue plunging deep. Instead of fighting for dominance as he expected, she was soft and yielding against him. He pulled back just enough to draw her lip into his mouth, then bit down hard in punishment for everything she'd done to him, but it only elicited another moan out of her.

He wanted to taste her everywhere. He kissed his way across her cheek. He wrapped her hair around his fist and yanked her head backward so that her throat was exposed to him. He kissed his way down the soft, smooth column of her throat, and not once did she object. Holding her still with his hand in her hair, he kissed further down until he could bite the upper swell of her breast. He chuckled low in his throat when she rose on her tip toes to make it easier for him to kiss her breast. He rubbed his thumb across the stiff peak before pulling the red fabric down to finally expose her entire breast. He continued to tease her with light touches and nips as his mouth made its way closer and closer to her nipple. When he finally closed his lips over it and sucked it harder into his mouth, she let out a breathy moan that filled the dark alleyway.

Last night he had been too caught up in their power game to fully appreciate her body. He was discovering that he liked how responsive she was. Her vocalizations kept rising in volume as he continued sucking and nibbling on that one sensitive bit of flesh. He slid his free hand down between her legs and felt how wet her silk undergarments were and smiled against her breast.

He lifted his head and kissed her deep and hard. "Quiet," he told her. "Unless you want some uninvited company to come along." She gave a tiny shake of her head and clamped her lips together to keep the moans from escaping. "Good," he whispered. "Don't move."

His hands ghosted down her sides as he knelt in front of her. He caressed her bare legs, touching behind her knees and feeling her shiver. He ran his hands back up her thighs until they disappeared under the short skirt. Exploring by touch, he felt the silky triangle that covered the front of her and followed the strings around her hips until they met and disappeared between the soft globes of her ass. He took his time touching, exploring, and squeezing to see what elicited the most reactions. Anytime she got too loud, he shushed her and removed his hands, leaving her mewling in disappointment and desperation.

Ever so slowly, he dragged her G-string down over her hips and thighs, guiding her to step out of them. Pushing the skirt up, he looked at her seeing a sparse scattering of black hair, neatly trimmed and skin glistening wetly with her excitement. He leaned in and breathed her musky scent. Gently, he pushed her feet further apart, exposing her innermost self to him.

Leaning in, he licked hard, finishing by flicking his tongue over her clit. She squeaked loudly. "Quiet," he said again and smirked when she bit her fist to try and stay silent. While he wanted nothing more than to keep her on edge for hours, this wasn't the place to do so. Without warning, he pushed a finger inside her, delighting in how wet she was and how easily he entered. Removing it, he tried again with his fused middle fingers, stretching her around him and preparing her for his cock.

Standing up again, he dangled her red silk panties in front of her before they disappeared into one of his pockets. "Mine," he whispered as he devoured her lips. She yielded to him willingly and wrapped her arms around his neck. It took him only a few quick motions to undo the fastenings on his pants and free himself.

She was so open to him, so willing, and he had the uneasy feeling he could do anything he wanted to her. Sliding one arm under her leg, he lifted her and pressed her up against the wall. "Hold on to me," he ordered in a hoarse voice. Shoving up against her, he could feel the slickness of her coating his shaft. It would take so little to push inside, and he could hold out no longer. With one slight adjustment, he shoved her higher up the wall and let her sink down on his cock.

They both moaned in relief as that first primal urge was satisfied. She laced her hands around his neck, using his shoulders as leverage to help hold herself up. Thane pushed her higher up against the wall so that he could lean in and bite her nipple again as he rolled his hips to slide in and out. His name came out in a breathy moan as she pulled him closer. It was the final straw, and he gave in, snapping his hips forcefully as he thrust into her wet heat over and over with no concern for her comfort. Not that she seemed to mind. Her moans were louder and louder until he finally covered her mouth with his. Even then, he could feel her noises of passion and lust vibrate against his lips as he plundered her mouth mercilessly. Her cunt tightened around his cock and he growled roughly as he fucked her harder.

Her cries grew higher and louder as her head fell back against the wall. She was being too loud, but he didn't care at the moment. He felt a surge of purely male pride at the way she was coming undone, giving herself over to him completely. He stopped telling her to be quiet and instead bent down to bite and suckle on her other breast. The wet slap of flesh was overridden by her high and breathy cries of pleasure.

Suddenly Thane's fears came true. A turian stumbled into the alley, obviously drunk and just as obviously looking for the source of the sounds he'd heard. He stared lustfully at the pair pushed up against the wall. "Hey, man," he started, "think I can get some of that?"

Thane's pistol was in his hand and pointed unerringly at the turian's head, even as he kept fucking Shepard. "Get out," he growled, and the sheer menace in his voice convinced the turian that he wasn't welcome.

"Yeah. Sure, man," the turian stuttered in fear as he backpedaled out of the alley.

Thane dismissed him and turned back to capture Shepard's lips in his own. He bit hard on her lower lip. "Come for me, Shepard," he rumbled as he pushed into her in long, rough strokes. That was all it took to push her over the edge. She cried out as her body clenched hard around his. In another place, he might have taken his time, continuing to fuck her while she was still so sensitive from her orgasm and teasing another one or two from her, but they had already been discovered once. He had no desire to fend off more curious and horny intruders.

Kissing her hard, he let himself go and thrust into her several more times, feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm clench at him. Allowing himself one quiet moan, he shoved deep inside her as his own climax took him.

They stayed like that for a long moment, his cock twitching inside her and her wrapped around him, both of them pressed up against the filthy wall. Finally he pulled out and lowered her to the ground. She leaned up against the wall to catch her breath and let her shaky legs recover.

Thane looked at her, noting her mussed hair, darkly flushed skin covered with quickly fading bite marks, and the way her dress only partially clung to her body. She looked well fucked, and he tried to deal with his conflicted emotions. He had only wanted to die in peace, atoning for his sins, but peaceful was the last thing he felt. He felt pride at her obvious pleasure, even given the circumstances. Worse, he felt possessive of her. He had been a hairsbreadth from pulling the trigger on the turian just for looking at her and stating his desire for her. He didn't know how he could continue to operate as part of her crew feeling this way.

Suppressing everything as much as he could for the moment, he reached out and pulled her dress straps back into place. "We should go. I will escort you back to the  _Normandy_ ," he told her. And perhaps remove his few possessions and himself from her seductive and destructive presence.

She pushed her hair back from her face. "I can get there myself, Thane, if you feel like running off."

Stung, he responded more cruelly than he meant. "You look like a whore. You won't get there unmolested."

"I can take care of myself. I'm a Spectre. N7..." She trailed off and stared at something over his shoulder, causing him to spin with pistol raised against whatever threat was sneaking up behind him, but there was nothing there. When he looked back at her, she was reaching out to touch something with a puzzled look on her face.

Thane sighed and put his pistol away. Of all the idiotic things to forget in the heat of the moment, he berated himself. He could go back and count how many time he'd kissed her, but then he'd be remembering everything else as well. It didn't matter. She was obviously one of those humans who was very susceptible to drell venom. He definitely couldn't let her walk around unescorted now. She'd be easy prey for the first predator who crossed her path. He also couldn't take her back to the  _Normandy_ like this. Garrus would automatically assume the worst of him. Never mind that it would be true.

He used his omni tool to find and reserve a room at the nearest decent hotel, then slipped an arm around her waist to guide her along. Fortunately, the hotel was nearby, and he was able to get her there without further incident.

He dropped her onto the single large bed and considered just leaving her with a note. The venom would wear off in a few hours, and she could make her own arrangements to get back to the ship. A damning part of his mind was goading him to stay instead. He could take his time, play out all the fantasies that had plagued him over the past day. He would make sure that she enjoyed it, too. She obviously wanted him, so what was the harm, he argued with himself.

No, he wasn't that depraved, to take a woman still high on drugs. He still had some dignity left. He turned to go, only to be stopped in his tracks by Shepard's sultry voice. "Stay."


	7. Chapter 7

_Just walk out the door_ , Thane told himself.  _Walk away before you're totally lost._ The scent of sex along with the image of her lying on the bed kept him rooted to the floor.

He heard her moving, and the slight pained groan finally made him turn around. She was sitting on the edge of the bed with one hand pressed up against her head and her eyes closed tight. "Don't run away again, Thane."

He couldn't tell if she was asking or telling. Either way, he didn't care for the implications, but he couldn't deny that she was wrong. He settled for changing the subject. "I didn't expect you to regain lucidity so quickly."

"Cerberus cybernetics. Purges any toxins from my bloodstream in record time. Unfortunately, it also leaves me with a bitch of a hangover."

"You asked for it," he reminded her.

She opened one eye and glared at him. He had a feeling that if she weren't in such pain, he might be feeling her anger more physically. Then she closed her eye and rubbed her temple. "Worth it," she replied with a too smug smile.

Thane frowned. "It's always about you, isn't it, Shepard? You go after what you want. Never mind what anyone else wants."

That brought her to her feet to confront him. "Don't you dare accuse me of that," she snapped. "I could have ignored you when you asked for my help with your son, but I didn't. I used my pull to make sure your kid stayed out of jail. I told Bailey to leave off investigating a rash of murders ten years ago. And not just you, either. Anytime any single one of my crew has asked for my help, I've done it. I fought a fucking thresher maw just so Grunt could pass some stupid manhood ritual, so don't you dare accuse me of being selfish, Thane Krios!"

"You didn't do that out of the goodness of your heart," he denied. "Every time, you had an ulterior motive. You wanted to make sure your crew felt obligated to you. Yes, you saved Kolyat, but you made sure that I knew it was all because of what you did. Just like you reminded me now. I stand by what I said. You're selfish, Shepard." He realized he'd allowed his voice to get much louder than usual.

"So what if I am?" she yelled at him. "No one else is ever going to take care of me. I learned that lesson early on. No one outside of family will ever care about you, and my family's dead! So don't you fucking yell at me for being selfish when I did what no one else would and helped you save your kid!"

"I'm not yelling!" Thane cut himself off abruptly. He had been yelling, and now he felt like a fool. Twice over that it was in front of her. Quieter now, "I don't know that I can continue on as part of your crew, Shepard."

Her eyes widened in shock. "You'd leave? You swore your service to me on Nos Astra!"

"That was when I thought this would simply be another contract. You've changed that."

"How? By having sex a couple of times?" She laughed scathingly. "Here I thought you enjoyed it. Was it so bloody awful that you have to jump ship just because we fucked?"

"No, it's not the sex. Not just the sex," he added, feeling suddenly clumsy. He wasn't used to this, having to parry sharpened words back and forth. He'd never been good with words. He'd never needed to be. He could converse casually about almost any topic thanks to his eidetic memory, and if he needed to engage his target in conversation, he always planned out several options in advance. If it ever degenerated into a shouting match, it meant things had gone seriously wrong, and he usually solved the problem with violence. Now he felt dangerously off-balance with this angry woman pulling emotions out of him that he'd thought safely buried.

"No? Then what is it?" she asked angrily as she crossed her arms under her breasts. He couldn't help but notice that the motion pushed them up and together under the skimpy red dress.

"It's you," he said bluntly. "You push and push to get what you want, never mind what I want. I told you I just wanted to finish this mission in peace, to atone for my past sins. But you wouldn't let it rest. I thought at first it would just be about the killing, that you wanted something more brutal. Not the way I prefer to work, but it's your mission. If you want blood and terror from your enemies, I can do that. But you wanted more from me. You pushed me past where I wanted to go, and I don't like it." He tucked his hands behind his back and stood ramrod straight, staring down at her.

"That's because you deserve more," she said. "I saw those flashes that said you were keeping yourself leashed. You deserve to live, Thane," she challenged.

"I lived a lifetime ago. That time is long past."

"I think you're scared to live again, so you're going to run away," she challenged, looking at him with contempt.

"I don't want to die. No one does. But what I want doesn't matter anymore. I am dying, Shepard. There is no cure."

"So what? You're just going to mope around in your cabin reading sad poetry the rest of your days?"

"Meditating," he corrected sharply. "Death can be a fearful thing, as you well know. I prefer to be in control of my emotions, unlike others I know," he said with a pointed look.

"You aren't just controlling your emotions. You're sleepwalking to your grave. You're ignoring everything that makes life worth living. You're doing nothing more than existing, day to day, until someone gets lucky with a bullet. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet, because you don't have anything to live for."

Her words hit too close for comfort. He'd been in battlesleep for a decade. It was the easiest way to deal with the pain of losing his wife, and he was disturbed that it was this human stirring him to wakefulness again. "You're one to speak of running away," he said to deflect attention away from him. "You keep the hurt and anger from your childhood close at hand, using them to keep everyone away. It works. You have a crew that follows you out of respect, admiration, and no small amount of fear. Not through bonds born of loyalty or friendship."

"What the hell do you know about friendship, Thane? You've avoided friends and family for the past ten years. Besides, I'm not being paid to be liked. When the Alliance needs something dirty done, they send me. It's why I'm a Spectre. It's why Cerberus brought me back. Because I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done, and I don't care whose precious little feelings get hurt along the way," she sneered, but Thane caught the flash of vulnerability in her eyes.

"Then why do you care if I stay or go?" His words were sharp, but he couldn't help but be somewhat curious about her feelings for him. Did she care about him as anything more than a good fuck? Was it even a possibility that she was as addicted to him as he was to her?

"You mean other than the fact that you'd be foreswearing your oath to me? Or that I'd be losing a damn fine fighter? Aren't those enough?"

Suddenly he was furious with her. She was just like all the others in his life, seeing him as nothing more than a tool for their use. It was all about what was best for her and damn his wants.

In that instant, he decided. Never again would he serve any master blindly, never again would he give up his desires for someone else's.

His control must have slipped and let his anger show. Instead of backing down, she bristled in return. Her hand made an abortive movement toward her stomach, and he deduced the presence of a hidden weapon there.

"Not anymore," he growled. "I'm done with being ordered around and prodded into providing your amusement."

"I'm not laughing." She spoke each word individually and low-pitched. She was matching his anger with her own. He realized if one of them didn't back down soon, something would give violently, but he no longer cared.

"No. You're not that kind. You get your pleasure out of manipulating others to give you what you want. I'm warning you, Shepard, I've had enough."

"You've had enough?" she asked with a strangled emphasis on the first word. "What the fuck? You signed up for this mission to earn karma for your soul, and now you're just going to walk away?"

He hesitated. His oath weighed heavily on his conscience, and with his emotions running unchecked it was impossible to be objective. His oath was ordering him to stay, but it was a tiny spark against the roaring inferno of desire to claim this human woman for his own for as long as he could. Only the life-long ingrained lessons in self-restraint were pushing him to leave, and they were fast fraying under the dual assault of her deadly temptation and his warped desire.

"Things cannot continue as they have," he said, hating the way his voice softened and turned a declaration into an admission of weakness.

Her eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Like what? You didn't like the sex?" A mix of emotions crossed her face - disappointment, anger, resignation. "Fine. We'll just forget it ever happened. No harm, no foul."

He laughed bitterly. "Wrong, Shepard. Drell remember everything. Even now, I recall the feel of you underneath me, and my body yearns to repeat the act. You smell of sex and desperation, and I want nothing more than to throw you on that bed and take advantage of both."

She tensed and eyed him warily, and he laughed again. It was a hard, angry sound. "See. I have only admitted a portion of what you have awakened in me, and now you cannot trust me." He watched her wrestle with her emotions, obviously trying to deny the truth of what he said. Good, he thought savagely. Let her struggle for a change.

"I do trust you," she declared as she thrust her chin out. "You're like me. Angry at the universe for what it took from you but still compelled to do something to save the people in it."

"I'm nothing like you!"

"Liar," she shot back.

His hand clenched at his side as he struggled to maintain control.  _Walk away. Walk away._  If he stayed, if he allowed her to sway him, he would be lost forever. He knew already that the comfort of battlesleep would be forever more denied him. Even on the opposite side of the galaxy, he could never forget this woman or the desires she awakened in him. It wasn't just the sex, either. Even his simple contract on Omega tonight held an extra element of anticipation and thrill that had been missing for over a decade. Even if he left, he would chase a shadow of a dream for the rest of his life.

Yet if he stayed, any modicum of restraint would be annihilated in her company. Killing the batarian at her order had given him far more pleasure than he had any right to feel. She hadn't been wrong. He wanted more, and she gave him the excuse to indulge in those forbidden desires. In fact, she had ordered him to and undoubtedly would again in the future. He envisioned nights filled with dark passion balanced against bloody missions, and damn him for the flood of endorphins that coursed through him at the thought. If he stayed, he would be throwing away every bit of civility and compassion that Irikah had tried to instill in him. Was this human woman worth that?

His fate hung in the balance, trembling and torn between his pride and his desire. Her last word still echoed in the room. He was lying to himself as well as her. They were so well matched that Arashu could have created them from the same soul. Maybe that was why he was so dangerously attracted to her.

"I should have left before you awakened," he said as he pivoted on one foot.

She reached out to grab his arm and yanked him back around. "Don't go!"

As keyed up as he was, he reacted without conscious thought and slammed her up against the wall, arm against her throat as his body pressed hard against hers. An instant later, the tone of her voice penetrated, and he heard the desperation in it. Looking down at her, he saw for the first time her own iron control slipping and the fear and loneliness exposed on her face. He both hated and loved the way her body was so pliant and warm against his.

A memory of Irikah surfaced, kissing her in the dark, holding her gently, his touch reverent as a sinner seeking mercy from his goddess. But Irikah was long dead, and he was so lonely. He hadn't even realized how starved he was for companionship, for touch, for intimacy until this human Spectre had swept him up and destroyed his defenses one by one.

Shepard didn't want reverence. She didn't want pretense. Among the billions of souls in the galaxy, she wanted him precisely because he understood her. And no matter how he tried to deny it or push her away, she understood him.

"Don't go," she said again. Her body trembled against his as she added one more word that cost her dearly. "Please."

He leaned in and brushed his lips across the shell of her ear. "If I stay," he rumbled with an emphasis on the first word, "I need something from you." She waited, silent and tense, for him to name his terms. "Stop pushing at me to get what you want. Stop using me to assuage your pain."

"I want you," she whispered back. "And I won't change my nature. I can't, not if I want to defeat the Collectors." Even with his arm still across her throat, she refused to back down.

He eased his arm away and slid his hand down her side, taking note of the way her breath hitched as he caressed bare skin. "One promise." His breath ghosted over her neck making her shiver. "Don't use my past to try and force me to do what you want. Swear it." Forgetting the past was impossible, but if he stayed, he wanted to make as clean a break as possible. He pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes.

"I swear it," she told him. Unlike him, she was an accomplished liar, but the truth of what she vowed rang clear. "If you stay," she added, "I'm the Commander. You do as I order."

"You're the Commander," he agreed. "I will follow your orders on missions." The caveat of 'not in the bedroom' hung unspoken but understood between them.

"You'll stay?" For both of them, nerves were raw and emotions were high. Try as she might, she couldn't conceal the nervous worry in her question.

"I'll stay," he agreed. He didn't bother to control the audible thrum of pleasure in his chest at the way she relaxed against him. His touch grew possessive, stroking and pulling her against him. "When do you have to be back on the Normandy?" His fingers deliberately glided over sensitive flesh, and he smirked to see her struggle to voice her thoughts.

"I have to see Aria before we..." She gasped and shuddered as his fingers slid between her legs, but she fought back to finish. "Four hours before our scheduled lift," she told him as her fingers dug into his biceps.

He smiled wickedly as he bit the side of her neck. "Then for the next six hours, you're mine, Shepard."

All his life, he had done his best to live up to the expectations of others: the hanar, his wife, the gods. He had paid in blood and loss and misery and loneliness. Enough was enough. His time remaining was short, but with Shepard he would make every moment left to him count.

He picked her up and dropped her on the bed, following immediately to pin her underneath him. "Tonight and every night from now on."


End file.
